THE CONTRACT DRAUGHTSMANS PHRASE BOOK
Grabbing bastard. Usually suffers from amnesia.
Disease with often fatal results. Symptoms: Frequent phone calls to other agents; stabbing
pains in the bank statement. Only known cure is liberal application of overtime, three
A person who is convinced that he knows what he wants, better than any self–respecting contractor. Usually proved to be incorrect.
- Time specified for doing work which was impossible, for many
reasons. to complete.
Heaven, the contractor's ultimate ecstasy.
Payday. Can also be day on which D.C.M'S are awarded.
(Abbr. Don't come Monday) Normal termination of contract. Extremely vulgar.
LONG TERM CONTACT:
Term used by agents to denote any job thought to be lasting more than 20 minutes.
(vulg.) A derogatory expression used to indicate an administrative overhead.
Expression used by agents, which means "You will not hear anything more about this job for six months."
An imaginary figure for a job. Always less than the correct figure.
A supposedly small figure which is capable of doing big things, like buying big cars and foreign holidays.
A job within 1000 miles of your home.
Must be able to swim to work without getting drawings wet.
A set of lies submitted to an agent and bearing no resemblance to events or persons
living or dead.
A set of lies submitted to client by an agent bearing no resemblance to the above-mentioned set of lies.
Something only occurring on the last Friday of each month (payday).
(n.Latin) Term used to denote contractor having dinner date with attractive female staff member (usually very rare).
One and only opportunity for client to try to impress contractor with his expertise.
(Seldom effective due to persistent questions about rate).
- Evil being, demoniacal thing.
- Nasty bogey man used to frighten infant contractors if they are naughty.
- Agency Time Sheet - 2nd most important piece of paperwork after salary
- Client Time Sheet - A device invented solely to annoy and wake up contractor for at least 10 minutes per week.
Money expended by contractors in legitimate course of his business i.e. booze bills,
squash club fees, gambling accounts, etc.
State of euphoria existing in last seven days of contract.
Government legislation designed to reduce contractor's income.
Constantly having CV updated and ready for E-mailing.
Lowly paid contractor-in-training. (See also under "Staff man".)
(Old Eng. "Man-ager") Painful irritant. Noted for constant moaning about costs and completion dates.
Almost extinct. Lack of this item responsible for huge quantities of wasted work and a contractor's major source of income.
Expensive plaything used to reduce company profits and provide
useful part-time employment.